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I think you’re being generous. Having no job or no prospects just means you have more time to get jiggy with your other half and that you’re less able to buy condoms.

Whilst I laughed at this, on a serious note, if you’d like to loan one to my missus a few times a week to satisfy her maternal instincts then that would be great. Ideally any loan agreement would be arranged around my desire to go to the football / enjoy some gaming / going out with the lads /...