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I'm concerned. Are either of you being coerced into contributing on this board? If so, that is a serious matter, and, if you are able, you should contact social services, or even the police if it is an emergency. If you don't feel safe doing that, someone here may be able to help you escape this...

This one has to be a pastiche; it's too perfect, and gave me a chuckle. On the outside chance that it is not tongue-in-cheek, can this contributor collect all the exclamation marks in his post, join them together to forge a girder (like they used to make in Ironopolis), and insert it where...