I'll tell you why, it's because everything else in your head is just a noisy mess. Once you have decided that to die is the only way out it is surprising how calmly you are able to think about it and plan it
There are times when you feel that every part of your life is a mess and you cannot see a way out or a better future. You feel a failure and think everyone would be better off without you. Whatever others may think and tell you, you don't believe it and no-one hates you more than yourself.
I...