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Exactly. If you need plastic defining then you are one in all probability. Scum. Absolute scum. They don’t realise just how much they’ve damaged the sport with the faux following. Your club picks you by locality to where you grew up. Or your dad follows them blindly. Those are the only two...

I’ve done a few parents in my local park when walking the dog and there’s a kick about with the old ‘excuse me, is that your son...?’, ‘yes, why, what’s he done wrong...’? ‘Oh nothing, it’s just someone’s dressed him in a Barcelona (etc) shirt and I thought you ought to know...’ (we then have a...