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“ Hey Jools, I know life’s a bit shit for you at the moment what with you being banged up for six years in the Ecuadorean embassy. But life’s not all that bad, really. Look you’ve got Harrods just across the road, why not ask one of the ambassador’s flunkies to nip over there and get you one of...

“Julian, any chance that you can take the ambassador’s dog out for a walk? You can’t? I thought that you might like a bit of fresh air, blow the cobwebs away and all that, I mean Hyde Park is only a couple of minutes up the road . . . what, you think you’ll be arrested if you do? Oh well...