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"Hello? Is it me you're looking for?" Clearly not, you bearded, large-nosed, shiny-suit-wearing buffoon.

"Life Is A Rollercoaster". No, you vacuous, slipper-wearing Irish pillock, life is an intangible quality brought on by an impressively scientific combination of carbon, oxygen and billions of other chemical reactions and computations. A rollercoaster is a theme park ride designed to thrill and...

Twiglet-waisted 70s middle of the road crooner Karen Carpenter and her Football League free kick legend brother Richard once chirped "I'm on the top of the world, Looking down on creation And the only explanation I can find" Flaws in this are as follows: (1) A person patently cannot sit on...