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I don't know about that, but a very good source tells me that Tomasz recently went through the audition stage of Poland's Got Talent with his rendition of When I'm Cleaning Windows, played on a kazoo with backing vocals from a small border collie named Leonard. Things were all going well until...

I heard he didn't travel by coach with the rest of the team, but rang John Travolta and demanded a lift to the game in his Boeing 747, because he can't stand the smell of Stephen Ward's aftershave. Rumours also that he refused to play in the last home game because his pre-match rider specified...

He also killed Lucy Beale, John F Kennedy, AND the f****g Zutons. Kuszczak, not Bens Grandad.

I heard that Kuszczak buried Rohan Ince's kitten on Devil's Dyke in a 3am ceremony last week, after making it sit through four episodes of The Only Way Is Essex and dying its fur in the colours of the Polish flag. The kitten is called Francis.