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My work colleague Brendans wife divorced him last year for putting it in the wrong hole. It was his sister in laws hole but still thought that was quite harsh.

This is great news, enjoy your date. Sex and squash with Fat Mike should mean you’ll just be calling him ‘Mike’ in no time.

Valentines is GREAT fun. I've got a window table booked at the local swanky Indian for me and Mrs Crodo, then we'll go back to our house and indulge in a spot of teabagging before I give Mrs Crodo a good pounding whilst watching PL Darts on the TV. All told I should be done by 10:30 allowing...