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Stupid Jokes Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted. A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."...

One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark". Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being anything you want after all you're the guv'. But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch." This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, . . I...

THIS GUY WALKS INTO A BAR NEAR A CINCERT HALL WITH AN OCTOPUS IN HIS ARMS AND SAYS "I'LL BET ANY OF YOU THAT MY OCTOPUS CAN PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT THAT YOU GIVE HIM" TWO GUYS BET HIM FIFTY QUID EACH THAT THE OCTOPUS CAN'T PLAY THEIR INSTRUMENTS. THE FIST GUY HANDS OVER HIS FRENCH HORN AND TO THE...

ART OF NEGOTATION A MARRIED MAN LEFT WORK EARLY ONE FRIDAY AFTERNOON. INSTEAD OF GOING HOME HOWEVER, HE SPENT THE WEEKEND(AND HIS MONEY) PARTYING WITH THE BOYS. WHEN HE FINALLY RETURNED HOME ON SUNDAY NIGHT, HIS WIFE REALLY GOT ON HIS CASE AND STAYED ON IT. AFTER A COUPLE OF HOURS OF...

Alan Shearer and Kevin Philips were away with England in Holland when a prostitute propositioned them in a street in Amsterdam. Kevin asked how much for a little wank? Then Shearer asked ".... and how much for a superstar?"

A woman sees a sign in the pet shop window saying CLITORIS LICKING FROG FOR HIRE. so she goes inside to enquire and the man behind the counter says " BONJOUR"

Blonde .......... A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next to him on the shoulder and says. " hey do you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The guy replies "look mate I'm blonde, the bouncer is blonde, the very large gentleman stood to the other side of you is also blonde, are you sure you...

Joke Du Jour A CONVICT ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAD BEEN KEPT FOR 15 YEARS. AS HE RUNS AWAY HE FINDS A HOUSE AND BREAKS IN TO IT. HE FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN BED. HE GETS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM UP TO THE CHAIR,TIES THE WOMAN TO THE BED AND WHILE HE GETS ON TOP OF HER,HE KISSES...

A woman sees a sign in the pet shop window saying CLITORIS LICKING FROG FOR HIRE. so she goes inside to enquire and the man behind the counter says "BONJOUR"

A man decides that on his son's eighteenth birthday that he will introduce him to the joys of sex, and decides that he will pay a prostitute to sleep with him. The son is obviously excited about the idea but he tells his dad that he is nervous because of his lack of experience. "don't worry"...

A THREAD FULL OF JOKE DU JOURS Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, You Sign! You sign!' Behind him is an enormous truck full...