Search results

"All my life I've been waiting for you to bring a fairy tale my way," screeched the Shania-Twain-with-PMT artist Anastacia. Eager to please, I (and seven dwarves I'd hired for the day at considerable cost) recently made my way to Anastacia's house, dressed as Little Red Riding Hood and leaving...

"It started with a kiss," purred slap-headed Hot Chocolate main man Errol Brown. No it didn't. Years of scientific study into the Big Bang theory, not to mention a couple of centuries of religious crackpottery, can disprove that in an instant. Twat.

Proof that popstars are LIARS while real people tell the truth can be found when the two cross over. By winning the first Pop Idol, lug-jawed public schoolboy Will Young became the first 'real person' to also become a pop star. And he proved the theory that real people don't lie by being...

I'll believe anything a woman tells me, especially if I want to get into her knickers. Sadly my optimism and blind faith has proved untrue. For most of last night I tramped up a nearby mountain in order to reach for the stars and make my dream come true. Namely that Rachel Stevens would be...

I've hired a private detective to trail pock-marked Canadian rocker Bryan Adams for a 24 hour period. The report landed on my desk this morning. Mr Adams spent yesterday going shopping, meeting a friend for lunch, playing golf and fitting a new stereo to his car. In the evening he watched The...

I have a presentation to complete by the end of today and, frankly, it's not looking good. So much so that I've effectively given up and am pissing around on NSC instead. So when my boss returns from Germany tomorrow, will he nod sagely and accept my explanation that, according to velvet-voiced...

Entire generations of chardonnay-swilling handbag-dancing women have fallen under the spell of chronic fibber Gloria Gaynor. At 54 years old, Gaynor, you have at best another 30-40 years on this planet. Barring accident or unexpected illness, even I will f***ing survive longer than you.