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I was next to a young lady today and couldn't believe my eyes, she had a top on her bottle. I knew in my heart that she posed an immediate and dangerous terrorist threat to all around her and I should have SCREAMED for a steward, but I didn't. Luckily no-one died as a result of my inaction and...

I'm a bit concerned by all the replica FA Cups that might be brought in by children tomorrow. Imagine the carnage that might ensue with all those sharp edges of tin foil being waved about in a crowd. Hopefully the stewards will be instructed to remove all the foil at the turnstiles so we will be...

My good friends Mr & Mrs Flask are taking legal advice as we speak...