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Wow. Good that you've found out and can try to address it. Because other parents aren't sorting that out, could you not take a really fancy packed lunch, so she joins in? Oh jesus. You have a support worker at the school, maybe contact them and tell them about your daughters lip and the threat...

Sounds like a good plan (I also have a feisty daughter who is 10). I don't know where you can get help, so I'll follow this thread in case there's something I can learn too. Same as ours, although ours hasn't gone 'way beyond' yet.