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If you had said that, no one would have disagreed. That's not what you were saying though. You know full well that we've bid a lot of money for him as a winger who can score and get assists, you saw him stuck in defence, and decided he wasn't worth the £3m we've bid.

WTF are you talking about now? If you had been asked to scout Marshall, and this was the first time you'd seen him play, I'd expect you to note that he hasn't done well as a full back, but not pass much comment on his ability as a winger. If you were told that as a winger he gets a good number...

But surely you realise that one game, where he was played out of position, is not enough to determine whether he's any good or not? Yet you have said you think £3m is too much for him. I think we're both hastily jumping to the wrong conclusion.

We need to make an increased offer near the end of the week, even if we have no plan of honouring it.

I think we'd be better getting this done first, if we are selling Dunk, otherwise the price will go up even more.

Henri Lansbury to Burnley for £4m.

I can't help feel that reduces the chance of them letting him go. #doh!

That's got to be worth a whole leg.

You mean permanently, right? It's the best windup account on NSC, and there's speculation that it's not even a windup account.

It's in code. I couldn't reveal our true plan on an insecure network for obvious reasons.

Fitting, since our wingers struggle to find their targets too.

Smoke and mirrors. We're secretly planning to swoop for Roads.

Who said he was a target?

I'm reading that as 'luxury player'.

Sorry, I forgot to mention my source: my 8 year old daughter, who'd never heard of him before I asked whether he'd join. Not the worst source on NSC, I'm sure you'll agree.

As a side note, I have also been told he will be joining us.

Fat lot of use that is, without giving some general clue as to how your client could know.

Are you new here or something?

Is the right leg the one with the dodgy ankle, or is that the left?