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"You've got the power to know you're indestructable" crooned bequiffed Tonu Hadley on Spandau Ballet's scampi and chips brigade classic Gold. Well having stood in front of a moving car this evening I know this to be palpably untrue and am currently in intensive care.

She's like the wind sings Mr Swayze in Dirty Dancing. Comparing your bird to a fart isn't very romantic is it Patrick?

I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key? I mean let a women go out riding on your farm equipment just because you want to get your leg over? Have farmers reached the 20th century regarding treatment of women yet?

It's mans world exclaimed James Brown. Well it is now you're in jail James.

Kiss me with your lips claimed Stephen 'Tin Tin' Duffy on his 1985 hit Kiss me. What else would he use to kiss somebody?

The Beatles believed that Strawberry Fields were forever, unfortunately Tesco has built a superstore on them.

Lionel Richie claimed oh what a feeling when you're dancing on the ceiling. Well Mr Richie the only feeling I had was the one of agony as I fell head first to the floor.