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It's the FEDERATION of Master Builders or the Guild of Master CRAFTSMEN. I work for one of them now.

Jackie Wilson Said (I'm In Heaven When You Smile) Well Mr Van Morrison (incidentally, are you like Brooklyn Beckham, and named after the place you were conceived?), unless you are gawping at the Medusa (enter Perseus - from behind), it's unlikely anyone's smile is going to kill you, is it?

If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me... Hmm, haven't really paid attention to Freud have you? The biggest part of these coke-toting plank-spankers is their EGO, which by definition stays with that person.

You Can't Judge A Book By Its Cover. Having said that, you bloody should be able to. I would like to think that a book saying 'Catch 22' on the cover should be a tale about the insanity of taking on dangerous mission during wartime. Likewise, 'Ring Stingers Monthly' should be a monthly...

'You better watch out, you better take care You better watch out if you’ve got long black hair Does anyone know the way, there’s got to be a way, to Blockbuster?' Well, what’s wrong with having long black hair to rent a DVD or video? Granted teenage goths do look f***ing ridiculuous with their...

Queen yet again... 'Flash, saviour of the universe'. Bollocks, everyone knows it was Arthur Mullard.

My heart is full of love and it's out for you... (Don't Leave Me This Way) What tosh. Your heart is a muscular organ used to pump oxygen, via red blood cells, around your body. That's its purpose, and is not in a position to cater for temporary emotional diversionary tactic. Also, it absolutely...

Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time Bollocks, moose-face - your plastic surgeon did that for you.

'Zoom, just one look and then my heart went boom.' Only if your pacemaker is cranked up to 11. Other than that, suggest a brief lie down, plenty of rest and a nice cup of tea.

'I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony...' One: that would take you a bloody long time, because, two, everyone knows that the Patagonians are tone-deaf and like to sing off-key, ruining it for everyone. So, fat chance.

‘My old man said be a Palace fan’ NO HE DIDN’T. My Dad utterly loves and respects me, and I utterly love and respect him. If he had said that, father or not, I would not have sworn at him, I would have SLICED him. :eek:

Serial liar Weller again... 'In the city, there's a thousand things I wanna say to you...' SAKE. What's wrong with thw telephone? Or saying it out in the sticks?

'I was 21 years when I wrote this song, I'm 22 now but I won't be for long' Um, er, run that by me again. Written in a Tardis, was it?

'The Kids Are Alright.' Except for the little bastards on their skateboards trying to mow me down in Western Road.

Um, sorry. Don't know that one. :(

‘You have to laugh or else you’ll cry.’ Sorry, I am perfectly capable of other emotional outbursts apart from these two extremities.

We Dream the Same Dream - but does Belinda Carlisle actually dream about my pet dog, dressed in a gimp suit, whipping Sandy Toksvig to within an inch of her life with an implement made from rusty iron? I think not.