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Brilliant story though Goldstone1976's is (and it IS brilliant), don't start on 'another' Seagulls Club. The ignorati will start howling and grizzling about 'why can't there be a middle-aged Seagulls Club?' etc.

Meanwhile, most of my ex's family weren't into football, so when I went to visit them, out came the awkward conversation piece, feigning interest. (Don't get me wrong - they were / are lovely people, just from a different universe...) So I'd turn up at their house - everyone is being offered...

Sounds a bit like a David Bowie lyric.