The players don't wear padding.
They don't have nicknames like 'The Chest Freezer' or 'The Knackered Trabant'. Just 'Kaz' and 'Knocky'.
There is no goal music.
No-one clenches their fists and shouts 'Go, Seagulls'.
No-one turns up with a piece of scraggy torn up cardboard box held aloft with...