A bloke goes in a sex shop, and says he has come to get a dildo on behalf of a 'friend'. The proprietor says he has come to the right place, and describes his selection. There's the Cannon, a 7" number that fires a stream of goo when a button is pressed, then there is the Stumpy, 5" long, but 4"...
Guy goes to A&E with a Black Mamba stuck up his rectum
The nurse puts on the rubber gloves and says,'We'll have that out in no time...', to which the bloke says, 'Fu*k getting it out, how do you change the batteries!?...'