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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman go to Heaven... St. Peter says, 'Is this some sort of joke?'

A seconded East Sussex firefighter did the decent thing and poured 10 000 gallons of... Unleaded on it :)

Imagine my surprise when I noticed myself in the background of a picture on the front cover of the NME, of REM at an awards show I attended. That's me in the corner...

Bloke in a club says to a cracker in skin-tight Levis, 'How DO you get into those jeans?', to which she replies, 'Buying me a couple of Smirnoff Ices normally does it...' :)

A Hollywood producer is casting a film about great composers. Tom Hanks is offered the Verdi character and Bruce Willis accepts the offer to play Puccini. When Arnold Swarzenegger gets a call, without hesitation he says, 'I'll be Bach...'