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Oh dear.......

What’s the height of optimism? England batsman putting on sunscreen.

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got 1 arm bless him. I shouted "Where you off to Charlie?" He said "I'm going to change a light bulb." I pissed myself laughing and said that's gonna be a bit awkward ain't it? "Not really" he said, "I've still got the receipt, you sarcastic git" !!!..

For Sale. Golden Retriever 9mths old, has yet to retrieve any gold, will swap for a metal detector.

My wife left a note for me on the fridge 'It's not working i'm leaving' I opened the fridge, took out a beer, had a swig, and thought....... she's mad there's nothing wrong with it.