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Nobody has to throw beer in the air, any more than they have to throw tea, coke/pepsi, bovril, water or whatever pie they happen to have in their hand when we score. People who do it are twats, regardless of whether they get no punishment or they get their goolies sanded off.

If everybody owned trousers, nobody would ever shit their pants.

It's the thin end of the edge. If you accept this, the next thing you know Paul Barber will be coming around to your house and selling all of your furniture on gumtree. And Tony Bloom will brainwash your dog into thinking black is white so it gets confused at zebra crossings.

I'm not sure why it's extraordinary to write about actual injuries that actual people have sustained in similar circumstances. Or hypothetical non-existent dry cleaning for that matter.

I'm not in favour of chucking beer over everybody, but if you wear something that needs dry cleaning to a football match you really have nobody to blame but yourself.

Sheffield's a damn good city for an away day.

Feed them into a woodchipper like that bit in Fargo.

I've also, in a similar vein, been hit in the back of the head by a (presumably empty) glass wine bottle that somebody threw forward at an outdoor gig. That didn't seem to do me any noticeable harm, suggesting my brain's got some sort of protective padding where thinking should normally take...

A friend of mine managed to be concussed by a plastic cup to the back of the head at an NFL game in London. I wasn't there but apparently it was actually quite alarming, he either blacked out or generally had absolutely no idea what was going on around him.

There were stewards there? Must have passed me by.

Did you get distracted halfway through writing this sentence and come back to it later without reading how it started?