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Cher reckoned love could build a bridge. Personally I always thought it entailed large amounts of metal, concrete and skilled labourers, but I'm prepared to admit I'm wrong. Can love also build a stadium?

According to Counting Crows, "American girls are feathers and cream, coming to bed so edible". I can only assume they've never seen Jackie Stallone.

According to Neil Young, only love can break your heart. Not so - I distinctly recall disecting hearts in biology, using not love but knives. Although they were pig hearts. Sticking with lying Youngs; Paul reckoned wherever he lays his hat is his home - I'd like to see him lob his Fez into the...

Queen have a lot to answer for ... "The bell that rings inside your mind Is challenging the doors of time It's a kind of magic" No, it's a kind of mental instability. "Oh ev'ry night and every day A little piece of you is falling away" That would be leprousy.

Chrissie Hynde promised she'd stand by me. Well, she wasn't there today - unless she was that smelly tramp by the bus stop. In which case she's really let herself go.

He could have had his feet strapped and/or glued to the surface, but this would most likely severly inhibit his abilites to dance in a suitably groovy fashion. In which case, he would be more accurately described as "moving in a rhythmic fashion on the ceiling". Not nearly the same thing.

Likewise Dusty Springfield, who thought she was going back to the days when she was young enough to know the truth. Unless she had found, whilst writing, that she was suffering from some sort of degenerative regressive aging disorder, in which case she has my deepest sympathies.

And as for Paul McCartney's guitar gently weeping, that's just silly. Guitars are not sentient beings, and as such have no strong emotions either way. Also, no tear glands. I reckon it's much more likely that someone split their water down it, and it only looked like it was crying. He should...

Queen reckoned it's a hard life. Not today it isn't - I've done all of an hour at Uni, then gone to get my hair cut and come home to watch TV and eat noodles. Bloody easy, actually.

I'm not sure how Roberta Flack was being killed (softly or otherwise) with anyone's song. Perhaps she was being to forced to listen at an excessive volume, thereby causing internal bleeding. On the other hand, she may have had her head placed between drum and drummer, although this wouldn't have...

I don't actually believe that Eric Clapton drowned in a river of tears, either - for one thing, he appears to be very much alive. More pertinently, considering the amount of water required to constitute a river, it seems highly unlikely that even a great number of individuals could produce...

The Buggles alleged that Video Killed The Radio Star. Are they going to stand by their statement at John Peel's inquest?

George Michael claimed he was never going to dance again. Now, I know that he has failed to stick to that promise. Unless he had lost his legs prior to releasing that song, but has since gained new ones. In that case, I'll let him off with a warning.

Chesney Hawkes claimed he was the "one and only". That may or may not be true, depending on what he was referring to. "One and only member of the Andrew Ridgely fan club in Horsted Keynes", maybe - otherwise, he may bullshitting.