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What's that on the gift table? Oh, handwritten cheque from Steve Parrish - how very generous. Just remember: Don't let it bounce

Borrow from Rowan Atkinson: "If his entire family may be likened to a compost heap - and I think they can - ***** is the biggest weed growing out of it. I think I'd be more inspired by the sight of a cow pat. ***** is the kind of man people emigrate to avoid" "As for the rest of you sitting...