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Ahhh, under wired bras, stick your hands up her roll neck jumper insert the tips of your fingers under the wire, push up and the titties flop down nicely into your palms. Have a good grope and a tweak, stick your tongue down her throat and return to your mates and light up a Players No 6. Happy...

Except that Cornish pasties do not have peppered mince in them, or peas, gravy and carrots.