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NCS? My son did that - National Citizen Service. He had an awards evening at the Amex (obviously, Calde was there giving out the awards). Perhaps Calde can give out certificates to Arsene and his bronzed gladiators?

I hope that they get to choose which dug out they use. And, for this game only, Good Old Sussex By The Sea should be replaced with Good Old Arsenal. (Written by Jimmy Hill, fact fans.)

You're taking this quite seriously, aren't you?

If there was any doubt, surely it is now certain. BG is a spoof account.