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Reading, Oxford and Swindon will merge into The Thames Valley Royals Aston Villa will merge with Marbella FC to become Marbella Villa Man City and Man Utd will become Manchester Republic FC BHA and Palace will become The Gatwick Express and will take the blue stripe from our kit and the red...

Many things will never be the same after this, and hopefully the obscene wages and endorsements hoovered up in many professional sports will be one thing readjusted as a result. Who needs that much money, it does nothing for the soul? Introduce a US-style draft system so teams like Newport can...