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Sing hosana's, my chippy is open again.

Fair do's. Feel free to pop your head in if you're passing, kettle on.

Loverly, thank you. If you're ever down that way again come and fish Woonsmith lagoon, my land is right next to it and you'll have a place for the night. Day passes available. It is stunning. I'll be there permanently from March. http://www.spotfish.co.uk/fishery/woonsmith-lagoon

Not far. I'm 3 miles from Penzance. You know the area?

I went from Brighton full of chippies to Surrey, full of chippies but never open and in March I move to a log cabin in a woods next to a lake near Lands End. At least it's a stocked lake, grow some spuds, I'll make my own fish suppers. And more importantly, be far, far away from Surrey.

After all that both my chippies are shut. Had to get 6 tiny frozen bits of scampi and chips in sweaty box from the Albanians down the road. Kill me.

Agreed. One does not simply take a few chips off my plate.

Opera rap? Used to be my local when I was on Buckingham road. Every Friday: The Battle, The Albert, Sing Lees, home. Bingo.

Already got you one. You talk in your sleep.

Fortunately no Maccy D near me. I don't mind the food I just can't stand the teenage spunktruffles and fat benefits families that congregate there. Ghastly. Nope, it's the chippy for me every time! Yum yum, up yer bum.

I'm having a pickled egg while I'm waiting.

No coke for me, tea in the big mug. Deal is I go and get the fish suppers you stop in and put kettle on, warm up the plates and butter half a loaf of white sliced. I'll be back in time for Countryfile.

Does the pope shit in the woods? I'll get two, you'll be up all night but it'll be worth it.

Eee, if they we were true northerners we'd eschew mushy peas for pea wet. And we wouldn't use words like eschew.

Ooh, battered shrooms. On the list.

Does thee want nowt moist?

Hungover from spiced Rum. Need hot cooked food so I'm off to the chippy. I'll have my usual: Cod, half chips and mushy peas absolutely pissing in vinegar. A Classic. What'll you be 'avin ?