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:) Ok, you've prompted the non-concussion sperm test anecdote. As mentioned, I was in Spain. On this occasion they asked to take both a blood test and sperm test, back to back, if that term doesn't sit too uncomfortably in this topic. I rightly, I think, blame the hole in the left temporal for...

:) I thought I'd be a spent force if I cycled up there, fresh from self-pleasure. And arriving to hand over my sample caked in sweat might lead them to believe I'd been in the disabled toilet for the last sorry and desperate 45 minutes. I can imagine the container cracking, and wringing out a...

Sperm tests are a funny business. The one I had in England involved me having to take it to a particular hospital, which I lived around 3 miles away from. Hand it in within 30 minutes of production, they said, so I had to call for a cab almost mid-**** (this was just the pre-Uber days) so that...