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Popped in for a £10 short back'n'sides t'other week, and a new pet hate for me is now my barber keeping, in with his collection of clippers, a tube of Anusol. I found that to be slightly unusual and might be one of the reasons I've been getting a slightly spotty nape if the tube, with some anal...

Douwe Egberts coffee lids. The coffee inside the jar might be fresher thanks to the air-tightness of it all, but, and yes i know it might be a sign of my unwanted feebleness, but i cannae yank one of those lids off, needing instead to shift it open with the aid of a teaspoon or butterknife. If i...

Hopefully nibbled on the fingers by my goat, preventing him from telling the world unspectacular news on a daily basis. Goat, goat, goat.

I had to have a word with someone on Facebook about his every other day updates on jogs he went on. As a relative newcomer to the world of light trotting, it was reported each time he ran for almost 1.8 kilometres, including a map of the generally minute distance. Something, for me at least...

I deliberately douse myself in a liquid that for as long as it dribbles from me will instruct observant minds to decide me to be a stinker, and keep their distance. If I wasn't that damp I wouldn't have the space to read my now lightly-dampened newspaper on da tube. I sometimes dry my sodden...