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And we have three goalkeepers who each failed to keep a clean sheet for 90 minutes.

5-0 f/t

It's been a marketing ploy, if twitter is to be believed. BHAFC‏@OfficialBHAFC Hat-trick hero! Get an Ashley Barnes #9 shirt and take advantage of the Seagulls Store and Official online merchandise store for BHAFC | Seagulls Direct July #BOGOF offer. #BHAFC

They've got a nature reserve? Marvellous.

I'll start. It's all very well performing for a few minutes. It's the full 90 that matters.

9 minutes for the hat trick, according to Mr Naylor.

5-0 Ashley Barnes chip.

"Pinging it around" is NOT "like a training game".

It was Agdestein who was fouled.

Tweet from Andy Naylor ... Incidentally, Spanish newcomer Bruno Saltor will be referred to as Bruno. That is the name he will have on his shirt.

Barnes (pen). 4-0

Barnes scored from Bruno's cross

3-0

Assist from Barnes

2-0 Hoskins

I'd rendez-vous with Janet quite near the Isle of Thanet she looked more like a gannet she wasn't half a prannet her mother tried to ban it her father helped me plan it and when I captured Janet she bruised her pomegranet

"A Maidstone Girl - the perfect end to a night out". Or did I hear that wrong?

L. Ept? Any relation to El Ert?

Who is our number 8? Anyone seen him in Lewes recently?

1-0 CMS After a cross from KLL and a shot from Painter that hit the bar. Possibly.