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What was the name of that expensive rolled up pitch which always came out flat - the Subbuteo equivalent of Astroturf? That would have solved your problems Brixtaan. Only the posh kids with rich folks had that in my experience.

Yep - numbers too. I painted Steve Foster's headband on! Christ, I'm feeling sadder by the minute. At least I'm among friends, by the sound of things!

I glued them on Gritty! It meant you got a blob of smoky plastic on the bench under their tiny arses, where the glue reacted with it, but at least they didn't fall off every 15 seconds.

I had the works - fence, scoreboard, TV tower and pitchside crew, ambulance crew, several chunks of terracing (including the corners) with hundreds of supporters which I painted and glued onto them, floodlights, the bloody lot. Time you'd set the lot up you couldn't get near the bloody pitch to...