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Next you'll tell me we aren't going up to win the cup. I'm beginning to feel distraught.

Is the right answer.

I recorded the rendition at Wembley on my phone. Apart from a distant crowd (probably you and your yobboe chums, down there behind the goal), all you can hear in the posh seats is my note- and word-perfect rendition. Spooky.

Ah, the natural atmosphere. Was that the one that prompted clubs to introduce a bit of pre-match loud music to wake people up before the kick off? And how about a half time BJ?