Sh*t monotone aplogies over the tannoy for trains being late. If my kids apologise for anything in the same fashion I tell them to come back when they mean it...
Two of mine already experienced this morning...
1. Grown men pulling rucksacks/mini suitcases. Unless its gold bullion in there, there's no excuse for the noise and carnage you are causing behind you. Carry it.
2. People eating on the train. If I'm expected to join you for breakfast then...