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That's not going to stop it shitting on you if it needs to go.

Nah, I'm about the same age and I'm also 'Albion'. Would find someone calling me a seagull a bit odd - especially as I tend to refer to seagulls as 'f**king annoying vermin' on the odd times that they squawk me awake at 4.30am in the summer or dive bomb us in the garden because one of their...