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Well, that f*kcin' does it. Nothing less than wee Jimmy Crankie f*cking Mother Brown will do for the saddoes who watch one or both of those shows this Christmas. Rule f*kcin' Britannia.......! Geez, where rrhe f*ck are Morecambe and Wise when their country needs them?

I'd rather not 'have' either, thank you very much!

Strangely, some people find a foul-mouthed ugly transvestite w@nker very funny. F*ck knows why.