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I'll trump that, in the spirit of the thread. I went outside my flat one balmy night for a smelly fag. In the house across the road the top window was open. The couple, in their desire for heated passion, had forgotten the possibility of a surround sound that encompassed much of Queen's Park...

I think farts are funny. And if someone is spraying particles of faecal matter, otherwise known as shit, in the air I would advise them to put their trousers and pants back on. Especially if it was in the pub as described.

We have a winner