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Much straining and near abandonment during the hallowed ritual today. Then all came LOOSE and a loud humdinger almost split the pan. A PILE driver in the BOWELS of the match from AkPONGo will cause a STINK among our promotion rivals and DUMP their chances of catching us.

'Lil' could be a shortened reference to our much maligned 'midget' forwards experiencing a turn of fortune this coming Saturday. The amount of stools could give a strong tip for a correct score bet.