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If they had their way, I swear you'd have to submit a detailed application at least 6 weeks in advance to the council for permission to build a sandcastle, including details of location, design, height, the tools used for excavation, depth of the moat, and the overall footprint size of the site...

Because that's what ALWAYS happens. The blue rinse busybodies and retired, tweed-clad dogwalkers with nothing better to do with their time other than object to new developments will be out in force to jam a sizable spanner in the works, you can absolutely guarantee it. Its what they do down...