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I had one trapped under my body once. But I didn't know she preferred comfy shoes at the time. I have a lot of sympathy for Eddie Izard; going to school at Eastbourne College would be enough to confuse anyone's sexual identity with all the town's idolatry of Navratilova at the time.

Would just love to see him and Elton in a bitch-fight at Wembley. But I guess they'll just snog instead. "Kissy kissy"...