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I HAVE A SMALL PENIS AND A VERY LARGE BELLY. Even if my penis was gargantuan I still wouldn't want to wear speedo's! And yes I do pee in the pool!

Merci !

Ahhhh...you may be able to solve my problem then. I'm bald as a coot up top, so if I promise not to go anywhere near a beach with sand in said beach shorts and shave off all my pubes, you will let me use your pool! Thanks xxx

WTF...I'm built like bloody Orca not Mark Spitz! I want to swim the odd width not 400 medley!

I've just tried on my Speedos and I swear you can't see any material when I stand up straight!

Hygiene reasons v Frightening the Patrons, ok I will give it ago but I guarantee one of two things will happen! Ps Leicester just turned down £7m for Lawrence from Derby!

What is their obsession with the budgie smugglers? I would look like Andy or Daffyd if I wore those...do the French really want this on their conscience?