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Another one from the great man: When I die I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my dad, not screaming with fear like his passengers.

Also when he got up he crossed himself. His mate Abie said "Issie, you're Jewish, why have you just blessed yourself like a Catholic?" Issie replied "Blessed myself? Naa, I was just checking: spectacles, testicles, wallet and phone."

That same Hollywood producer was once approached by a struggling actor who couldn't get any roles. "What's your name?" he asked him. "Richard Lorry Lesbian" was the reply. "Far too long," he said. "Try shortening it to Dick van Dyke!"