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He is the Premier League's ultimate boy who cried wolf, only he doesn't actually cry wolf, he falls down dramatically, appealing for a penalty even before he's even hit the turf, before then putting on that really bizarre face as he appeals to both the referee and some sort of higher power about...

Because some Palace fans have suggested it's a racism thing against Zaha. I'm not sure they've noticed how many black players there are in the Premier League.

You can't mention that mistake, if it were one, and ignore the two that should have meant Wilf wasn't even on the pitch by then: the first half dive and the studs up on the keeper that could have been a straight red by itself. He was a lucky boy last week.

Seems it's all shaping up for that tilt at Europe that Palace keep talking about. It's always "next season", although "next season" never seems to come. I bet the top 6 are shitting themselves at their cosy little club being infiltrated by Croydon's finest.

It's bizarre how Palace fans mention this as if it were some sort of external influence that impacted the start of your season and not, as is actually the case, entirely self-inflicted. You've had a 4 or 5 year head start in the Premier League, bought world-beaters (sic) such as Cabaye and...

In fairness, Hodgson has performed a miracle up there. As I type this, I see on Match of the Day that he's even got £30m* striker Christian Benteke scoring**. * - current market valuation: £30.00. ** - penalty.