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If I'd seen the same film about 500 times over 30 years, I'd consider leaving early to beat the queue for the train.

Listen, I'm the greatest superfan there's ever been. I know every verse of Sussex by the Sea. I've never missed one second of a football match, in fact i watch the whole pre-match warm up and keep a detailed log of which players are trying the hardest. I read the programme front to back, then...