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I get the idea, fantastical it may be, that Evans surrounds himself with younger, more ginger, versions of himself and then eats them in a cannibalistic rejuvenation ritual thus his inordinately long, but admittedly obese, life. Or he's just a fat ****. Either way is fair.

Utterly onerous, fat, useless, inept, aggressive and tactically naive waste of genetics. And his Ginger Ninja cock assistant is on his way. Loved how he f***ed up controlling the ball. Twice.