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Possibly! Though I prefer to believe that for 30 seconds I was Messi (who hadn’t been born yet).

Nope. Burned into my memory as if it were yesterday. It was the only goal I ever scored and some dimwit Lino flagged me offside even though I got the ball in my own half. I was a truly awful baller. This was my one and only half decent 30 seconds and he robbed me. Robbed me, I tell you...

You think I’m not?! It was 44 years ago and I can still remember what the bastard looked like. The only upside is that he’s probably dead by now.

There are few things that I can be more certain of than that I would be in the bottom decile. I scored one goal in my career. I picked the ball up in our half, dribbled it the whole way (past one defender) to the 6 yard box and scored. Only to be given offside. Gutted doesn’t even come close...