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Blokes don't send essays. If women typed all of their inane conversations, the text messaging storage system would fill up within a week. Mrs KZN and the MIL can have a conversation which starts with "do you want tea of coffee?", then talk utter nonsense for 10 minutes ultimately forgetting...

Quite. There is a reason that text messages were invented by a man.

The great advantage of having no friends is that you don't get silly, half-pissed old gits phoning you up on a Friday night whilst you are watching the telly.