Blokes don't send essays. If women typed all of their inane conversations, the text messaging storage system would fill up within a week. Mrs KZN and the MIL can have a conversation which starts with "do you want tea of coffee?", then talk utter nonsense for 10 minutes ultimately forgetting...
The great advantage of having no friends is that you don't get silly, half-pissed old gits phoning you up on a Friday night whilst you are watching the telly.