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Man walks into a dentist's and says to the receptionist " I think I'm a moth" The receptionist replied "I think you need a psychiatrist sir, this is a dental surgery" "I know" said the man "Then why did you come in here?" Asked the receptionist " your lights were on" ............

Just had an argument with the wife, she reckons I’m not a true cockney so I pushed her down the apples and oranges.