Having lost someone who was brought up to never show their emotions I can identify with this. I've noticed younger people seem to be more 'gender neutral' (not sure that's the right term) and are more open with each other. I think this is a good thing.
Sorry, that is so sad. I'm sure the last thing your friend would want is for anyone they've left behind to feel guilt over this. I'm sure they would want you to make the most of your life