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With respect I did this with another one of your shitty lot last year... How did that last European-challenging league season work out for Palace?

As already posted, Villa were a flop with Benteke. He'll fit right in with you. There's the diving as well of course, which so enraged Palace fans. You pretend Wilf doesn't do it, now you can pretend Benteke doesn't either.

Aston Villa who finished 15th, 15th and 17th whilst Benteke was their top scorer? Sounds exactly like a Palace player.

Rarely watch it. My PL intake is generally just MOTD2 on Sunday night. I guess that as they mainly show goals, Palace players are rarely mentioned by name.

With respect (and I'm paying you none) I've been going to Brighton games for nearly 40 years. Is that plastic? I've never heard of him.

Watching the England game with a Palace fan right now. She just said Scott Dann should be playing and everyone else in the room said "who?" with no irony nor sarcasm. To be fair, she did say he has had to do a lot of defending this season. So he should be good at it by now.

I'm told that there have been no bids for Dunk yet, either from Palace or anyone else. The Elphick thing is interesting though - would seem to be an ideal replacement should a PL team tempt Dunk away.