Sad, really sad that you feel that way. You could try making a compost heap in your back garden and put all your green waste and grass cuttings etc in. This will attract Slow Worms which in reality are legless Lizards but, look like snakes.
Instead of obtaining a snake and keeping it in an unnatural environment, why not do something for local wildlife like growing Bee friendly plants, putting up bird or bat nesting boxes or making a small pond in your back garden ? That way you will avoid ending up on various RSPCA programmes...